and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
