So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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