everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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