Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
