Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
