That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
