my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
