...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
