Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
