mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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