All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
