She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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