he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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