Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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