she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
