I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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