I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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