my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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