I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
