Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
