I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
