i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
