my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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