just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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