so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
