I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
