i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He better not be in your backpack
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
