When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
