had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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