He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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