Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
