guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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