I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
