theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
