That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
