you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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