I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
