I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
