i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
