I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
