You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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