I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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