after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
