I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
