you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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