Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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