It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
