when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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