Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
