I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
