there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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