Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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