I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
