Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
