Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
