Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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