I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize