Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
