I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize