are you so shy because you have an std?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
