You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
