I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
