Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
